


the sun is warmest at noon

by Aebriel



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: (well set after the hypothetical events of KHIII), Angst, Apheartment, Fic Exchange, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One Shot, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, SORA SQUAD, if it was possible to have a fic this short be a slow burn that's what I would call this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-20 03:02:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17014368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aebriel/pseuds/Aebriel
Summary: Ven's recovery isn't going as quickly as he'd hoped.  He's sick of being a burden to Aqua and Terra, and finds himself missing friends that were never his.  Lea, however, was *his* friend first...





	the sun is warmest at noon

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Literally_Illiterate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Literally_Illiterate/gifts).



> Fic exchange with the lovely Literally_Illiterate, who graciously volunteered to write me some Riku hurt/comfort.
> 
> They requested some hurt/comfort focused on Ventus recovering from his 10 year coma, preferably involving him rekindling his old friendship with Lea into something new.
> 
> (Mild warning for some negative self-talk and self-worth issues on Ven's part.)
> 
> Apheartment tag is a reference to the wonderful Zilly's art and the background interactions in this fic are dedicated to them and everyone else in the Kingdom Hearts Shipping Port discord server. Y'all are great! ♥

It felt like he’d never get better.   _Of course you’re not, you’re always going to be frail and weak and pathetic,_ a voice that sounded like Vanitas reminded him.  He couldn’t shove the thought away, no matter how he tried.  It resounded in his mind -  
  
Every time he failed to call his keyblade to hand,  
Every time his legs gave out underneath him,  
Every time he was too weak to get out of bed, too tired to even try,  
  
\- that voice was there taunting him again.  
  
When sleep did come, it gave him no respite.  It didn’t matter what he did, the nightmares wouldn’t stop.  It didn’t matter when he slept, at night, in the morning, in the middle of the day with bright sunlight flooding his room, the nightmares wouldn’t leave him alone.  And the terror of falling asleep (for how could he ever be sure he’d wake up in the morning?) was enough to keep him awake most nights.  
  
Maybe it was just in his head, maybe it was just that insidious Vanitas like voice — _not Vanitas_ , he reminded himself, _Vanitas is dead.  He’s gone_.  But his pain was still there.  His anger and frustration and trauma, swirling just underneath the surface, waiting to bubble up and tear Ven apart — maybe it really was just his own insecurities that made him see disappointment and frustration in Aqua’s and Terra’s eyes.  Maybe it was his own doubt that made it seem like they also had given up on him recovering, like they saw him as nothing but a burden again.  
  
He didn’t know anymore.  He was afraid of finding out for sure, afraid of having his doubts confirmed.  
  
-  
  
People came and went.  It was the Land of Departure after all and it seemed like it was finally living up to its name.  (Someone else had made that joke, Lea maybe? It seemed like something Lea would say.)  
  
Ven knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t help the resentment that flared up everytime Roxas came to visit.  He couldn’t help but feel jealous to see the nearly perfect mirror image of himself happily running about, able to fight with ease.  Able to do everything with ease. _Roxas_ didn’t struggle with changing his own clothes, or bathing himself, or working up the energy to eat.  
  
It was almost worse when Sora came by.  Sora with his sunshiny heart full of light, that Ven missed so fucking bad.  Just like he missed Sora’s friends, _and_ Roxas’ friends.  They weren’t his but they felt like they should be, he missed them like they _were_ his.  
  
_You don’t deserve them, you’re not even grateful for the friends you do have.  Aqua and Terra slaving away to take care of you,_ ** _again_** , _while you sit and pout.  Being with Sora for so long didn’t help you at all did it?  What a waste. You should’ve just faded away and saved everyone the trouble._  
  
“Ven?” Aqua peaked her head into his bedroom, as if he could possibly be anywhere else, when he could barely get out of bed without help.  “We were thinking about having a picnic, would you like to join us?”  
  
“Who’s we?” he asked dully.  He wanted to stir up a bit more enthusiasm than that, especially when he saw Aqua’s smile falter slightly, but it was a bad day today.  A tired day, a he-could-barely-drag-himself-out-of-bed day.  
  
“Mmm, well I’m not entirely certain.” Aqua’s smile looked a little more genuine again, “it was a little chaotic earlier, but I think Sora and Kairi are ready for lunch.  Oh! And Lea as well. It might be awhile yet before the others can be pried away from whatever is is that had them all so excited.”  
  
Ven’s heart ached, he wished he’d been able to join all of them, whatever it was they’d been doing.  But the thought of all those people, all at once, so full of energy and life and light… maybe it was for the best that he’d been left behind.  Maybe it’d be for the best if he skipped this picnic too.  
  
“Ven!”  Sora came bursting into the room.  
  
“Sora! Chill out.”  And there was Riku, still out in the hallway it sounded like.  
  
“Oh, Riku, you caught up, awesome!” Sora said before turning back around with a smile so brilliant and genuine it hurt Ven’s heart to see, knowing he would never be a part of that light again.  
  
“Sora, I thought you were ‘literally starving’?” Kairi was closer, maybe had actually followed Sora into Ven’s rooms.  He’d gotten good at judging how close people were, now that he barely left his bedroom.  
  
“Yeah, yeah yeah, just a sec, I haven’t seen Ven, in like, _forever_.”  
  
“Sora, you visited last week,” Aqua said, trying to hide her amusement.  
  
“Really? Are you sure?”  
  
“It was actually less time for us, love,” Kairi said as she walked into the room, “We were only at Radiant Garden for a few days.  Guess the times got out of sync again. Oh Hi, Ven!”  
  
“Ughhhhh, I hate it when that happens, it gives me a headache.”  
  
“Literally, or just because you hate thinking too hard?” Riku had followed too.  
  
“Hey, shut up, I’m allowed to not think before I’ve had lunch.”  
  
“Oh, is _that_ how it works?”  
  
“Yes, because I say so.  Ven’s got my back, right Ven?”  
  
“Uh, sure, Sora.”  Ven attempted a smile, it’d make Aqua more upset if he didn’t at least try to act normal.  
  
“See, Ven agrees!” Sora turned to him beaming, before whipping back around.  “No more thinking until we’ve all had lunch!”  
  
“You’re ridiculous,”  Riku said, not looking very impressed.  
  
“The most ridiculous,” Kairi added, grabbing Sora by the arm to lead him away.  
  
“Sorry about him, Ven,” Riku said over his shoulder, “he’s like a puppy, he forgets how long it’s been since he last saw someone, and then loses his shit even if it’s only been a day or two.”  
  
“Heyyyyyy!”  
  
“We can’t take you anywhere, Sora,” Kairi said with an exaggerated sigh.  
  
“Well, _I_ took you guys here, in _my_ gummi ship, so I’m the one taking people places, not you.”  
  
“Oh good, so you agree,” Riku said slyly.  
  
“Yes, well no... wait.”  
  
Their voices faded and Ven sagged into his chair with relief, and maybe just a bit of longing, forgetting that Aqua was still watching him.  
  
“I think it might do you some good to be outside with your friends,” she said gently, but it startled him anyway.  
  
“Yeah, you’re probably right,” he said trying another smile.  He didn’t want to disappoint her again. He was always such a disappointment lately. _Who are you kidding? You’ve always been a disappointment, Ventus.  It’s just plain for everyone to see now. No more hiding how weak you are._  
  
_Shut up,_ he tried to tell Vanitas, but it wasn’t Vanitas, it was just him, it was _still_ just him.  Completely and utterly alone.  
  
Aqua helped him get up, and his muscles protested, there was little cure spells and potions could do for muscles that had been left to atrophy for over a decade.  It didn’t matter that there had been magic sustaining his body and keeping him alive without his heart. It couldn’t maintain his body in peak form for that long a time.  He ached all the time, but he’d stopped complaining about it, he couldn’t watch Aqua run herself ragged with healing magic again.  
  
-  
  
The day was as sunny and beautiful as Sora’s smile, and Ven’s heart ached with the thought.  To be surrounded by warmth and love and light again… It wasn’t the same to just be near someone.  Terra and Aqua loved him, they’d both soothed him after nightmares, took turns sitting with him for hours, reading or telling stories - helping him get dressed, helping him eat… all done with soft, warm, gentle touches, and yet he still felt cold inside.  
  
The picnic passed him by while he sat in a daze, mechanically picking at his food (at least _some_ of it made it into his mouth.)  The happy chatter of Sora, the way Kairi and Riku gently teased him, all so full of love, eventually cut through the white noise in Ven’s head.  It was all so painfully familiar even though it wasn’t his, and never had been. It was worse if he compared it to what things used to be like with Aqua and Terra.  
  
Terra actually was still absent, so at least he only had Aqua hovering over him.  Lea had joined them though with Naminé in tow, and Ven couldn’t suppress the relief he felt that Roxas and Xion were still off messing around with whatever training technique the others had given up on for the sake of food.  It was like an extra twist to the knife in his heart to see the three of them together.  
  
Selfishly the thought came to him, ( _again_ , he was ashamed to admit it but it was a frequent one) that Lea was _his_ friend first, before he’d become Axel. Before he’d ever met Sora’s Nobody who wore Ven’s face, or the Replica who stole bits and pieces from everyone connected to Sora’s heart.  That was unfair of him though. Roxas and Xion were innocent. They’d never asked to exist, and how could he blame them for holding tight to the brief existences they’d had? It wasn’t Roxas’ fault that Ven’s heart had resided in him, encouraging the growth of his own heart.  It wasn’t Xion’s fault that she’d been made for the explicit purpose of siphoning off Sora’s abilities and self through Roxas, that she’d sucked up bits and pieces of Ven as well.  
  
(He sometimes secretly wondered if her black hair had come from Vanitas, but if that hadn’t occurred to anyone else, he couldn’t bear to bring it to their attention now.)  
  
There was some sporadic conversation going on, but Ven couldn’t make himself pay attention well enough to follow what was actually being said.  It wasn’t until Terra showed up, mildly panicked, and also covered in… something, black dust maybe? That Ven realized he should be listening. He didn’t quite process what Aqua said, before she was kissing his forehead and sprinting off.  He realized that the trio from Destiny Islands had also disappeared during the commotion, and then he saw Naminé running to catch up, which left him with Lea...  
  
…who didn’t seem terribly concerned about whatever was happening.  
  
“Eh, they’ll be fine,” he said, waving his hands dismissively (as if Ven had asked him anything.)  “Terra overreacts, and Aqua’s too protective.”  
  
Ven raised an eyebrow.  
  
“Oh, the others?  Sora’s just excited, and Kairi and Riku can’t let him go running off into danger alone.  Besides if Roxas looks as hilarious as Terra just did, I’m sure Riku’s going to get pictures as proof,” Lea chuckled.  “And you know Nami, she’ll keep an eye on everybody. I don’t need to be around for that, they’ll managed just fine without us.”  
  
_‘Us.’  Huh._ Ven liked the sound of that.  The idea that him and Lea could be an ‘us.’  
  
“How ya’ doing, buddy?” Lea asked, “I didn’t get a chance to talk to you last time I was here, sorry about that.”  
  
Ven swallowed hard, there suddenly seemed to be something in his throat.  He wanted to say something, he didn’t know what, but _something_ , something more than just ‘I’m fine,’ or ‘I’m alright,’ or ‘okay,’ or any of the other meaningless empty reassurances he tried to tell everyone else.  
  
“Hey, no worries,” Lea said, stretching out on the grass next to him.  He folded his arms under his head and let his eyes drift shut. “Whenever you’re ready to talk, I’ll be right here.”  
  
It was nice, sitting with him, out in the sun, (Ven couldn’t help but notice how it lit Lea’s hair up like the flames he used in battle.)  There were a lot of things he wanted to say, a lot of things he didn’t want to say, but maybe _should_ , and yet for a change, he didn’t feel the pressure to say any of them.  He felt content, maybe _almost_ happy for the first time in… well he couldn’t remember how long it’d been.  Maybe not since he’d left Sora’s heart.  
  
Eventually the others all came back, but it was easier to tolerate the noise and life after that moment of peace.  He didn’t mind as much as normal when Xion nearly tackled him in a hug (which also got him covered in whatever that black dust was.)  Or when Sora sat way too close, not talking directly to him, but still so very present and in Ven’s space. (Though it had him wondering if maybe Sora missed him as much as he missed Sora.  That couldn't be true though... Sora was always so happy, right?) Even Roxas seemed like less of a reminder of what Ven should’ve been, and more like just another friend.  
  
Somehow Sora now had room for _more_ food, and Ven was happy to give the rest of his mostly uneaten food away.  He caught Aqua’s worried look out of the corner of his eye, but pretended not to notice.  Lea rejoined the conversation then, asking Aqua to describe, again, exactly what had happened.  
  
“Aww, Lea, come on, not again,” Roxas said, flicking food at him.  
  
“It really wasn’t as bad as everyone keeps saying it was,” Xion added.  
  
Riku snorted.  
  
“Riku, your clothes look awfully clean and dust free,” Roxas said, with the hints of a smile.  
  
Xion pretended to notice Riku, as if he had appeared out of thin air.  “ _Wow,_ Roxas, you’re so right,” she said, starting to get up.  
  
“Don’t you fucking dare,” Riku warned, getting up on his knees.  
  
Ven saw Terra sigh as Aqua gave him the ‘don’t scold them for cursing’ look.  
  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Riku,” Roxas said casually.  
  
“Hey,” Riku said turning to Kairi and Sora, “are you gunna let them gang up on me?”  
  
Kairi pursed her lips, “Well I don’t really want to get all dirty so…”  
  
“I’ll protect you, Riku,” Sora said valiantly.  
  
“I’m doomed.”  
  
“Hey!”  
  
“I mean, sorry, uh, oh please save me, great hero of the keyblade.”  
  
“That’s better.”  
  
“SNEAK ATTACK!” Xion shrieked, and then everything descended into chaos.  
  
Ven quickly realized he was in grave danger of getting stepped on, or worse.  Terra and Aqua had both gotten caught up in the fray, and he tried to get up to his feet.  He stumbled but then a warm ( _so incredibly warm_ ) arm caught him around the waist.  
  
“Hey,” Lea said, with a lopsided smile,  “wanna get out of here?”  
  
-  
  
“Thanks again,” Ven said softly.  His cheeks felt strangely warm. Not as warm as his entire body had felt though, when Lea had resorted to scooping him up in his arms, and carried him back inside.  Just thinking about it had him all warm again.  
  
“Not a problem.”  Lea smiled again, and Ven felt more of that warmth return.  
  
_Huh_ , now that was interesting.  He wondered…  
  
Lea frowned a little, “something on your mind?”  
  
“I…” Ven started, “I’m… I’m always cold.  All the time, even when I’m not, but- like, inside, I can’t ever get warm.”  
  
“That sounds a little familiar,” Lea offered, a sadder smile briefly on his face.  
  
“Really?”  
  
“Yeah, it reminds me of what it used to be like, right after I lost my heart.  Always empty inside,” he shrugged, “not quite the same, but-”  
  
“No, that is… that is what it feels like, but I have my heart again, so I shouldn’t, I shouldn’t feel like this anymore.” The words were spilling out of him, like he couldn’t stop now, even if he wanted, but he didn’t want to, he so desperately needed to tell someone.  Someone who wouldn’t be as hurt by it as Aqua or Terra. “I know it’s there, but it feels like it never fully came back, like I’m still just partially here, and I can’t even _do_ anything.  I feel so useless.”  
  
Lea didn’t say anything just moved over to sit next to him, and put an arm around his shoulders.  That heat returned. Ven was sure of it now, the heat, that warmth he’d felt, was _Lea_.  
  
“Everyone else seems fine, _it’s not fair,_ ” he whispered, leaning into Lea’s touch.  
  
“They’re not quite as fine as they pretend, you know,” Lea said, “but yeah, none of them have to deal with the things you do, and that’s isn’t fair.”  
  
Ven bit his lip, he was shuddering, and still so cold, but Lea was all heat.  
  
“I think everybody’s trying to give each other space, to work things out, figure out who they are now.  But I know Xion and Roxas miss you, and it’s pretty obvious Sora does too.”  
  
“...really?”  
  
“Yeah, of course!” Lea gave him surprised look, “You’ve known the kid almost his entire life, you know how he gets when he’s pining after somebody, doesn’t matter that it’s not a romance thing this time.”  
  
“Oh.”  Ven shivered again, and then it just seemed natural to curl against Lea, to let himself be shifted into Lea’s lap.  The idea of how warm Lea would feel against his lips occurred to him, and so then he was pressing his lips against Lea’s neck.  The heat was wonderful, Lea was so warm, and Ven could feel that warmth spill over into his body with every touch.  
  
Ven pulled away for a second.  “We… or, well, there was never a version of us that did this right?” Ven asked, it didn’t seem familiar, but there were so many different sets of memories to keep track of...  
  
Lea blushed almost as red as his hair.  “No, _no no no,_ this is new.”  
  
“Good,” Ven decided out loud.  He pulled Lea’s face closer, so he could kiss his lips.  Lea made a really nice noise, and Ven decided that was good too.  Just like the heat was so good, like his body was finally waking up the rest of the way.   He didn’t mind that all they did was kiss, he was too tired for much more than that anyway.  
  
When he was nearly drifting to sleep, laying on the bed with Lea draped across him, still so wonderfully warm, the thought came to mind, a little selfishly, that he finally had something that belonged just to him.  A little moment, hopefully the start of more moments, but something new, something _his._

**Author's Note:**

> This is not my first time writing KH fic, but it was my first time writing several of these characters, especially Ventus and Lea/Axel, so hopefully I did them justice!


End file.
